I'm an animal.

Since no one seems to be particularly alive I hereby allow myself to ponder freely upon whatever I feel like. For example, inspired by my dad and Ape’s family: The immorality of mixing meat from different animals in one sole dish.

You should know, that for the Ape family it is something of a challenge to put as many different animal meats in the same dish, and get away with it (something which they don’t always manage). As for my dad, he brought me disgust and inspiration when telling me of an extravagant dish consisting of a large turkey, in which there was a goose, in which there was a chicken, in which there was dove, in which there was a quail. And in the quail layeth an egg. Yeah, an egg in a bird, in a bird, in a bird… Or something along those lines. This is something that the old Romans used to eat. According to my dad.

Like the Janssons, I love food-related challenges. And like some of the more spoilt Romans, I adore gluttony. But there is something absolutely unethical in putting meat from different animals in the same dish.* I say we lose a portion of our humanity for every bacon-enfolded chicken breast we cut into.

Let’s say I was killed for food. I died for you. Then at least make me the star of your meal. I gave my life for your fucking jambalaya, don’t throw in a damn chicken next to me! Or a pork sausage. Or something else dead with a potential soul that isn’t mine. And don’t you dare eat me on weekdays. At least not my good parts. You're just shoving me right into your mouth without really tasting. Have my intestines for a hasty Tuesday tv-dinner, but damn you if you consume my fine buttocks in front of Days of our Lives! See me, see my value! Invite your friends to indulge me. Or better, have them watch you indulge in me. Make a sauce béarnaise to go with my inner thighs or smoke my cheeks with juniper berries. I don’t care exactly how you prepare me, as long as you do it with love and devotion. Think of me, who laid down my life to satisfy you.

One dish, one meat, one life, one soul, one love.

*Some of you out there might consider it absolutely unethical eating animals in the first place. And let’s not forget, we do have a former vegan in our midst (however, these days she’s *only* militant). I too, find it a somewhat weird and questionable custom, killing for food. But it is how I was brought up. The problem is that meat and the animals who bring it to us are way underrated. Cherish the meat, cherish the animals.

sweet meat

Cannibalism is a thing it hurts talking about, as the risk of becoming a cannibal only can increase when doing so. It’s a theory I have, and it might even be a common theory. It all stems from that Russian guy I saw in a documentary, years ago. I think what happened to him was that people were discussing cannibalism in his very grim childhood, because of a severe famine that was… going on. What else can you discuss? Let enough time pass and the memory of the flavor of meatballs is tragically fading and all you can think of is what the starving person next to you would taste like. Doesn’t mean you take a bite. However, later in his life he became a cannibal. So his cannibalism was due to talking. Plus an apparently disturbed attitude towards food (in his case famine, but this could be sloshing or anorexia or some other oddity) or one’s ego or whatever. And I doubt that being an unusually impressionable person would help. I think you all know where I’m getting at.

I hate being the one saying this but for now, if the urge emerges to discuss something clearly inappropriate - as it most often does - beastiality is to prefer to cannibalism. As the general introverts I see ourselves as I do fear eventual endocannibalism. Such is my foresight, however flawed. Nor Jesus was flawless. Or a cannibal! I’ll do more research and come back to you. Now I’m going to go find out the latest on the topic of gender and biology in neural research. It’s going to be swell.