You're no different than Darryl Hannah

One day I started wondering where the center of my soul is located. As one does. I think I found it somewhere in my head, behind my eyes, in between my ears and not too far from my mouth. Why not in my belly? Why not somewhere closer to my heart? Why not in my index finger? Why this audio-visual-oral fixation when it comes to pinpointing my essence? Probably because, ultimately, having a soul is having a perspective. And according to Science, and my hand puppet Sir Yessir, coordination of perspective happens in my head. So naturally, when I think of me and my soul, and when I try to reach my inner self, I imagine it resides within my skull.

But this is not merely a post about soul-searching, or the idea that perspective is bound to be subjective and objectivity thus nowhere to be found since it has no place in the human consciousness. No. This is, as many times before, a post about Lindsay Lohan. See, I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it rumored that the girl lacks a soul. Now let’s assume those seemingly foul rumors are true (very unlike the admittedly foul rumors linking Lohan to theft). This would presumably make Lindsay Lohan the very key to absolute and sheer objectivity. It’s a grand and frightening thought to us mere mortal soulful persons. But at the same time an undeniably tantalizing opportunity.

Of course, she couldn’t share any of this with us soulfuls. Lohan simply wouldn’t notice any of the sheer objectivity since all this would mean she has a total lack of perspective. Oh, woe.

Again, the undying storm named Lindsay Lohan strikes me. As a riddle. The more I try to solve her, the greater a mystery she becomes. And all the more distinguished from the rest of the world she appears.

More or less.