Det är möjligt att den här dikten skulle bli mycket bättre om jag läste den högt för er.... Å andra sidan, kanske inte.

En bit choklad,
kan väl inte skad'?
så motsatsen, att avstå,
och ersätta med selleri rå,
borde väl inte vara så svårt?
beslutet var ju ändå vårt!

en rutten kyckling i min kyl,
möglig philadelphiaost, och dyl,
kan inte ersätta en ferraribil röd!
speciellt när allt man har är hårt mjukt bröd.

nej, mina vänner, snart får det räcka,
hur länge kan en månad utan socker räcka?

Your body is a wonderland

Meeting tomorrow, and Lolly advises us all to wear the stripy Rocky mouth t-shirt. While waiting for the magical hour, I advise you all to dress and undress Britney Spears. Don’t you just adooore the mini size eagle top? I wish they would enable us to change the color of her lips, I’d give her some shade of lusciously whorish pink. Or even better, enable Jennifer Connelly; Hey, tiny! *high-five*

Anyway. Tomorrow.

Oddballs, perfume, curse of the mousse

Ape puts on perfume and smells like one of those sunshiny, flowery, fairytale spring mornings, where clean isn’t simply a description, but a 4-dimensional cartoon, which you can smell.

Lolly puts on perfume and smells like the oriental mistress, whose comforting touch and libido is woven of silky embraces of musk and oranges and obscure passion.

tiny puts on perfume and smells of inexplicable and unearthly perfection and something supposedly ephemeral, for no matter how much you smell her you can never fully grasp its complexity.

And me, I put on perfume, which as it hits my skin reacts, evolves and smells of something sticky, unbearable and ill-boding. Almost like the way you might detect an assertive-smelling smell, not knowing what it is and wonder whether it smells good or bad before you realize it’s rottening garbage you smell. Or zombies. That’s me using perfume. Any perfume.

Help me help you help yourself. And then let's go public!

So what we did was we put tiny stretched out on a couch, after we had finished a cider & soup-dinner and a delicious dark and white chocolate cake covered in various roasted nuts. Having briefly discussed whether a canapé is a divan or finger food, we quickly identified tiny's very outspoken wish to “become normal” as the key symptom of her disease. With the help of Rorschach ink blots we encouraged her to see genitals where she at first glance had seen nothing but factories and Santas. When she had hugged a pillow for thirty minutes or so, while getting a jellybean for each of what we considered to be the only one correct genital-answer to the ink-blot pictures, we finished the session and watched half an episode of the unfathomable series named True Blood. I think, all in all, we did good, Ape and I.

According to Lisa, in France, all you have to do to work as a psychoanalyst is to have undergone psychoanalysis yourself. Yup. It's what I’d like to call a “Plan B”.

These are tiny's "two santas" that we successfully made her turn into a "vagina"

You two, fight to the death!

In one corner stands Lolita, also known as the Father, naturally leading our thoughts to the values of The Old Testament. Lolita has served many years in the Swedish army and is currently serving in Afghanistan. Although she would never seek out fights unless she is well paid for it, she can turn tremendously aggressive when provoked and will not lay down arms until victory is hers. Lolita has no sympathy for the weak and believes every man and woman has to fight alone for their right to exist. She has a natural tendency to grow big muscles and she once walked almost all the way to Nijmegen in the Netherlands.

Lolita is wearing a black corset, a black skirt and a high heels. She’s holding a medieval longsword in her hand.

In the opposite corner stands M the Predator, the bullocky she-beast who can turn anyone into a whimpering fool. As a child, she cut off her hair in order to have an advantage over the other girls. In battle, she would grab hold of their long hair and they could do nothing but scream in agony and curse M’s tomboy hairdo. She fought her way into full blown womanhood and is currently a fierce spokesman for society's underdogs and the importance of a powerful, old school union. She has a fascination for the Dog Whisperer and once applied his more violent techniques on an unknowing Mousse, who ended up feeling utterly raped. Her strongest weapon is her libido, and she once dated MacGyver.

M the Predator is wearing a short, skintight, black leather dress and a top hat. She’s holding a leather whip in her hand.


So let the battle begin.

.....................................
Fantastic L and I were bored yesterday and decided to put our fiercest friends up against each other in a deadly battle. The one who survives gets to meet FL’s Turkish, lesbian carnivore of a friend who smoked ten joints a day for a year while addicted to porn. It should be entertaining. Lolita, sweetheart, I'm not usually asking for much, so can you please just win this one for me?

Alternative battles are of course welcome.

I really like how Ape works, gets money and buys me candy. I do not only like it, in fact I love it. It is an arrangement possibly descended from heaven. I wish the world would always look like this. And yes, this has partly to do with the fact that she got bruised from cleaning the sperm bank while making said money.

Sometimes, life makes so much sense it hurts.