When did you stop being a bumby bear?

Jambo! as Lindsay Lohan’s character in Mean Girls so delicately puts it. I’m back from that continent that starts with an AAH and ends with FREAK OUT. It’s been two good months. But I also have good hopes for the future autumn. For no discernable reason.

Today L told me of a man who ingested funnyfunny mushrooms. The man then went out in the 'woods' and there he met something which he was certain was a bumby bear. However, the bumby bear eventually turned aggressive on the man and he had to lock it up in his wardrobe. He later realized the bumby bear in his closet was in fact a human being, and a dwarf, at that. That must’ve been weird.

Let’s say that I take mushrooms today. That will probably make me meet La Roux, in this video, but the soundtrack will be this song. I would be very happy. But then suddenly I would stab her to death with my brand new set of BBQ-knives. For no discernable reason. And then I would snap out of it and the dead body would turn out to be the dead body not of La Roux but of Amy Diamond. Phew! They sort of sound the same at times but are, of course, totally different. Anywho. Part of the world would rejoice but I would go to jail in any case. Which I think is only fair. One cannot go around killing people, however pointless their existence. I believe in some kind of basic human value. Yeah. But in jail I would get everybody’s dessert because - generally - prison people don’t like Amy Diamond. And then I would probably regret the mushrooms and write another letter to Lindsay Lohan, this time urgently asking for spiritual guidance.

Edit: I'm afraid I forgot to type down the main purpose of this post, which was: Ape, can you please please please get a La Roux haircut? I can even consider paying for having it done.