Zombies or aliens? (If I were a rebel)

Call me when the apocalypse comes
for zombie attack, press one
for alien invasion, press two
for instant death, please hold

Call me, and I will tell you this
the zombies? they will eat you
the aliens? they will rule you
but no, they won't exactly kill you

Call me, and I shall listen
as the zombies devour your brains,
as the aliens push you to the ground,
as you cry over your own lost dignity

And then call me again, as you understand
zombies make for great spouses,
aliens rule with care and devotion
and golly, you're somehow still alive!

You call me, only to say
that your brains were meant for fodder
that your back was made to bow
and you laugh at yourself, having tried to resist

Call me, sometime before you die
and tell me about it all
that it wasn't so bad, going under
and I WILL put you on hold

Because if you call me, I will tell you
I still fear the zombies
I won't ever trust the aliens
And apocalypse will be my only truth