**LINDSAY LOHAN! THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION**

First, I thought of simply renewing my old invitation to Lohan in some fancy and irresistible Mousse-way. Like, I was going to convince her that the reason she released her album “Speak” back in 2004 was because “Lindsay, you possess an honest, beautiful and natural urge to express yourself” and that that was so obvious if you, like me, spend some time listening to her lyrics and not JUST dance away to the awesome tunes. And then I’d tell her that her anorexia looked really, really good on her and not bad at all, like how it looked on Angelina. Ew! Those fat lips don’t go well at all together with starvation! And then I would probably have told Lohan how OK of her it was to have taken drugs and been all alcoholic, since, after all, people like Lohan - the witty and intelligent crew - always get out of those situations looking even MORE intelligent and witty. EVERYBODY knows they’re just doing drugs because they’re simply too deep and creative to have the time to process everything within the limits of a brain functioning in an everyday kind of pace! I would of course also compliment her acting in Dare to Love Me, a film that hasn’t even been made yet and would thus hint that I have THE greatest confidence in Lohan’s future performances. I wouldn’t mention anything about Samantha, not in the invitation anway. No, I would spend the last lines comparing Lohan to a mayfly. Or a sparrow. Or something else as poetic and rich with integrity.

But then suddenly I started having second thoughts about it all. Not because I in any way would be dishonest, but because it would put us both in an awkward position where I’m all beneath her and she’s all obliged to me from all my complimenting, which would leave us sitting staring at each other, not knowing what to say, when really, we have LOTS and LOTS to talk about. I would go something like “You look… radiant.” “So I’ve heard” goes Lohan and thinks of that time on Letterman. And then naturally she starts comparing me to Letterman. That would be totally out of place. I don’t want that.

No. I’m just going to bide my time and let Lohan take the first step instead.