No limits?

As I told Ape yesterday, I am not unhappy at all.

Usually I go from anguish to euphoria and back again on a daily basis. I CAN be “content”, “emotionless” or just “irritable”. However, when in these moods, I’m merely just waiting to see where I’m really heading. Will this state of what I consider zero lead to pain or pleasure, I ask myself, and bide my time. But I’ve got to say, the moments of manic exaltation are lately numerous. Don’t know if I should worry. Also, I talk to myself in the mirror. I dance with myself in my room. I have all the right answers, I make all the right moves.

Do we all?

I guess I’m the sort of person that shouldn’t, by society’s standards, live by herself, but undoubtedly turns rabid monkey when having to live with others.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say, in an ever-digressing and contradictory manner, is that I think I need some Oddball time. Don’t know why. Because I want to have it all. Why stop eating strawberries when it tastes the best? When they're at their ripest. I think my life might be ending. I’m enjoying myself too much. Too much of a climax. Ape said August. I suppose it’s better than… September. Don’t know what will be left of me in August.

Oh, I want to be obnoxious enough to make Lolly sigh and slap me, I want to hug the Ape while its whole body rejects me, I want to tell tiny how much of a cheap whore she is, just so she’ll do the mouth fart thing on my belly again.

I don’t really want any of that.

But you know me better.